There is strength in great love and it is strong. Weak love is soft, unable to withstand suffering.
If a doctor does surgery and rushes to crying, even if the crying is very small, he can no longer operate. To help a person who has great suffering, we must go to a higher level. At that level, we are devoid of emotions, but we are full of love. A good surgeon shows no emotion but is full of love. That’s why he can operate. The helper, who really wants to help, must be able to withstand the pain of not allowing himself to be drawn into it. If he can withstand the suffering, he gives the other strength, even though he does not interfere.
He who has a problem can handle it, and he alone. If the other wants to carry it for him, then he becomes weak.
We can, for example, notice it in myself, I saw it in myself: if I see something in another and of course I want to say it to him, but refrain and not say it, it costs me strength. The power that cost me for this restraint became the strength for him. It suddenly comes to his mind what I wanted to tell him. Since that thought has come to him by itself, he can bear it.
If I can’t stand it, and of course I want to tell him something, I feel relieved to have told him. But I took power away from him. Even if what I wanted to tell him was right, he can’t accept because it’s coming from the outside. So such restraint is the basis of respect and the basis of love.
Source: Bert Hellinger – The Love of Spirit