A criminal, sinful lifestyle brought me to prison. My family was in favor of communism, atheistic, although they dyed eggs for Easter, and even I was baptized at the age of six. In truth, I never went to church again. And I didn’t have any “personal encounter with God”. And in prison, when repentance came, I did not know how to alleviate my condition: my soul wept and could not be comforted, because I did not yet know the Lord. I tried my best to numb this pain with some work, but it didn’t help much.
Once I was sitting in a cell, overwhelmed by prison life. I felt like I was at a dead end. And from this abyss of despair, with my last strength, I called out to God. It was the cry of the soul. And suddenly I feel that the Lord is near, He hears! And it was as if a stone had fallen from my shoulders. I wanted to thank Him somehow, because He literally got me out of hell! But I didn’t know how.
I began to read the Holy Bible. I was especially moved by the story of the thief who repented on the cross. I didn’t understand how God could not only forgive a thief, but also open the doors of Paradise to him first?!
The spiritual hunger in me grew more and more. I started going to the prison chapel – our priest then consecrated it in honor of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker. An icon of the Savior hung there, and when I prayed, the face of Christ seemed to come alive. I felt: now He is here with me. In those moments, I was overcome by such love, which cannot be compared to anything…
That was the first time I entered our prison temple – previously, due to bad behavior, I was not allowed to go there. I remember that day as a miracle: there I met my future confessor, Father Đorđe, I confessed and received Holy Communion for the first time.
My father blessed me to read on the kliros. And then somehow he came out of the altar during the service, took me out, covered me with an epitrachilum and blessed me to take care of the temple. Even tears came down my face. I understood that it was God’s will.
Of course, the temptations did not disappear. Besides, the prison authorities still didn’t always let me into the temple – they couldn’t believe that I had really changed. But I knew for sure: the meeting with God turned me 180 degrees. And those who were nearby saw it and tried to understand what happened to me. They even became interested in religion – some out of curiosity, others sincerely. Some came to the temple and renounced the past before my eyes…
It was an amazing time! I felt like a baby, whom the Lord literally carries in his arms: He gives me tears of tenderness, prayers, and strength to serve Him even in such an environment. I wanted to approach everyone and say that God loves him, that he is merciful!
Gradually, all my aspirations focused on one thing: how to purify my heart, how to save my soul? I read the Gospel, tried to remember every word, tried to understand who will enter the Kingdom of God. And I became more and more aware of how weak I was and I no longer knew what else to look for, except for salvation.
What was valuable to me in the past life – money, power – everything seemed like vanity now. I literally felt what it means: Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33). Although, of course, the enemy of the human race does not sleep, and you keep tripping. But every time you have to get up and move on, but if you can’t, crawl after God! Because if the Lord calls me to himself tomorrow, what will I come with? That really worried me.
When I got out of prison, I had two paths: the old one and the new one. I’m not going to lie – crime promised a good life, and I was let go literally as a beggar. Therefore, away from sin, I immediately went to my priest. The priest blessed me to help him at the altar. It was a bright Easter Sunday and I was grateful to God for this opportunity. And for the fact that there were those who did not let me run out of money on the street.
For about a year I lived and served in my church: little by little I got used to life in freedom – first I lit the stove for heating in the church, then baked prosphora… And then I met my future wife. We got married and now we are slowly becoming church members.
I work in our hospital and I go to the prisons to the same lost people, as I once was myself, to talk to them. And glory to God, who opens all the ways of serving our neighbors! In that, I found a new, true meaning of life.
Maxim